I grew up in an all Christian family but I’ve never felt Christian at all I would ask my Mama as a kid why do we struggle so much if God is with us she would give a vague generic answer as I got a little older, keep in my still being taken to church I would ask questions in “bible study” they didn’t take kindly to so I’d nust leave it alone like if God was with us why he let white people take us, enslave us? im 32 now and i feel more awakened 2 the truth but just as lost where did u start lookn?

First off, keep questioning, don’t take anything at face value.  Don’t be discouraged because a 100million other people accept something as truth or as real, don’t be 100million and 1.  Being critical and asking questions have got you this far which is light-years ahead of all these non-critical believers who simply ate the shit they were fed, and like drones, fed it to their own children. 

Also, don’t fall for that shit that you need to respect people’s religious views, that’s bullshit, all of the major religions have blood on their hands and stolen money in their accounts (stolen land too); and not one of them is worthy of respect.  Not one.  So at the very least we who don’t follow these Male Chauvinist Murder Cults can tell the damn verifiable, historically accurate, and consistent truth about these Regions, these slave Religions, these religions of colonizers, and genociders. 

I say join the DEvangelist; as long as these religions insist on being tax exempt, entities that not only drain money from gullible citizens, but even get consideration from the state, and money from we who don’t derive any benefit from the churches/Mosques/synagogues, we have a right to bring the God-Dispel to the masses.  We have as much right to speak out as they have to try to trick the masses into accepting the absurd dogmas they been slanging for all these years.  So speak out, tell the world you Reject God, his Whole-Lie Men, and his Whole-Lie Books.  Work to bring others to the peace that Rationality and Evidence provides. 

Now that I got all that out of the way, I guess I should get around to answering your question:

I got over my fear and indoctrination of and about God when I was 12 years old, and there were not many options available back then, especially in the Hood; even the drug dealers and prostitutes when to church in my projects. LoL!  Even though I know it was all BS, I was still in the choir, an usher, attended prayer meetings, and bible school til I was 14 or 15, and told my grandmother; “I’m done with this, you gon have to put me in foster care, or something but I just can’t go back to church, I can’t.” 

But today, for us Free Thinkers, Secular Humanist, and Atheist, there are all kinds of information and options.  There are great YouTube channels that both mock religion while providing insights (here’s on of my favs: (https://www.youtube.com/user/DarkMatter2525).  There are Black Atheist and Free Thinker groups all over the nation, and you can start one in your Hood as easy as shit, and every library has free community space for meetings. 

The one thing you don’t need to do is think that you need replace God, or religion in your life with something else to follow or believe in.  We don’t need belief, or faith, or even hope for the afterlife; that’s just our conditioning.  You are enough, other people are enough, life in this world is enough; value all of that and you don’t need anything mystical, or otherworldly to give meaning or purpose to your life.  You can define your own damn purpose, you can direct your energies to building functional relationships with others, instead of some fake ass God.  You can value the land, air, soil, and all other living creature, instead of valuing some Whole-Lie Book, or some stupid ass Doctrine and Dogma.

When you lose God and Religion, you don’t need to replace it.  It’s like losing some kinda (mental) parasite, you don’t think; “damn I lost this tape worm, what do I replace it with,” it should have never been there in the first place. 

Note: If you absolutely must have a God, then worship an African Goddess, they give much better guidance than these Homicidal Gods our oppressors gave us.